doom and gloom

I write to you from the hammock in my parents’ backyard.

So… I’ve been in Frankenmuth for about a week now, which means a lot of things have changed.

I miss the quirks and charms of Eastown and the familiar routine of my (former) occupational trio: Trinity, Global, Rowan. I miss having a reason to be somewhere and participating in something meaningful.

Admittedly, some of the “doom and gloom” of my current reality has become apparent. Thankfully, it was a short-lived pity party:

I have no job = I’m making no money = I’m living with my parents = I’m a total loser = Sob, sob, sob

And then there was this one:

I’ll spend all of my money travelling = I’ll max out both credit cards = I’ll still have no idea what it is I’m supposed to be doing with my life = I’ll ask to live with my parents (again) = They’ll make me tent in the backyard =  I’ll still be a total loser = Sob, sob, sob

That’s one way to look at it, I guess.

Then I was prompted to remember why I decided to venture out in the first place. And that part, the “why” I’m doing what I’m doing is hard to explain. I don’t really have a logical reason for embarking on these travels, I just know that I have to; I feel it in my bones and fret that they’d rot if I didn’t set myself free to follow them.

When I think back to that single, decisive moment when I had total peace around my decision to embark on these travels, I remember why I’m doing what I’m doing and it all becomes okay again.

I guess I don’t have to know how it will all pan out. I don’t have to know how long I’ll be gone, where I’m going, what I’ll be doing, how much debt I’ll have when I return, how long it will take me to find a job or move into my own place.

I only have to remember the peace that I had when I decided to set out in the first place. I’ve heard it said that all journeys have secret destinations of which the traveller is unaware.

I’m okay with that, because this uncertainty is opening up infinite possibilities in my life.

So there’s the personal update. For a practical update, I bought my carry-on size backpack!

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7 thoughts on “doom and gloom

  1. You are embarking on an amazing adventure! It might be life changing but no matter what it will be memorable.
    I feel the challenge of no job= no schedule but it doesn’t mean any more than that! No, never think of yourself as a loser. Rather you are adventurous, daring, brave and interesting!
    You have the luxury of deciding your own priorities for a while. I really like that part of my journey. Today my priority is to read a book for a couple of lovely hours …. I’d like your hammock!
    Take care, dear Chelsey!

  2. I’ve heard or read that same thing about the traveler/journey/destination. Was it in The Alchemist, maybe? Anyway, the other thing all depends on how you define ‘loser’. I think a winner is someone who is not afraid to try and not afraid of failure. Someone who recognizes there can be great value in failing.
    You are a winner!

  3. Thanks for sharing your heart, Chels. I, too, love the quote about the secret destination of every journey. And even though my current destination is just down the street (moving tomorrow) I’m looking forward through the gloom to the secret yet to be revealed. Love you!

  4. I have to agree with miss Kelly Chia 😉 You are a beautiful person, with a passion for life… I can not wait for Dalen and I to embark on more adventures! Our experiences are what bring joy to our life…. not the things that we have! Love YOU!

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